An article in the NYT, "Modern Love: Once Political, Now Just Practical," has me thinking a bit about language, especially as I recently met a queer woman who is recently married and uses the word "wife." I really don't like the word "wife." I don't know why, exactly, but it sounds ugly. Maybe it's the historical background that this article talks about; I don't know.
Yet, our English words of "husband" and "wife" are far better than the Hebrew. Husband is בַּעַל - also the word for "owner." Wife is אִשָּׁה - also the word for "woman." A husband is the owner of his אשתו, his woman? That just reeks. And while I've never seen so many pregnent women in one place as I have since coming to Jerusalem, I have to wonder about these words in a time where women are enlisted in the army just like men are, if their mandatory service time is shorter (two for women, three for men). There aren't passive women here who are under the thumbs of their husbands. I can't imagine a woman coming back from service in the army only to become submissive to her husband.
I need to ask an Israeli about this. Is there, or has there been, a debate around this terminology? Are there people who use different words, like people in the US?
Somehow, though, I like the word אִשָּׁה better for a gay marriage. Maybe because there's no more connotation of possession than there would be if you said "my girlfriend."
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There is a difference. for example, חברה is a girlfriend, as opposed to ידידה is a girl, who I am on good terms with (friendship). in this, English doesn't distinguish. Also, one does say "החברה שלי" or "חברתי" to explain "my girlfriend". it has the same possessive connotation as "אשתי" or "בעלי" (my husband). it's simply a matter of "who is dating/ married to this person to which the suffix refers".
ReplyDeleteWe say "my husband" in English, too. That's not the problem It was the root words that I was referring to--the fact that "husband" is also "owner," and "wife" is also "woman." My woman? My owner?
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